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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162359">In Control</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst'>flawedamythyst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Referenced BDSM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:27:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky wakes from a nightmare. It takes him a while to shake it off, but Clint's right there for him while he does.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Winterhawk Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Love to Nny for betaing.</p>
<p>Written for my Winterhawk Bingo square of 'Helmut Zemo'.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Желание.“</p>
<p>Bucky had heard the words so many times, over so many decades, but this time was always the one that came back in his nightmares.</p>
<p>“Семнадцать.”</p>
<p>He’d thought he was safe, was the thing. He’d thought he‘d got away, that he’d be able to stay hidden, that this wasn’t going to happen again. And then he’d ended up imprisoned with someone reading out words from the red book, and it was all too much horrific deja vu.</p>
<p>“Ржавый.”</p>
<p>More than that, though, it was that he’d been fully aware of what was happening as the words were said.</p>
<p>“Рассвет.”</p>
<p>When Hydra had had him, he’d already been beaten down by torture and pain before they’d had the idea for the words. He’d been tortured by their chair until all his memories were gone, until he had no idea who he was.</p>
<p>“Печь.”</p>
<p>Back then, the words had sometimes come as a relief, because at least he knew who he was when they’d been said. He was a loyal soldier of Hydra, and all he needed to do was follow orders.</p>
<p>“Девять.”</p>
<p>This time, the time in his nightmares when it was Zemo reading the words, Bucky knew exactly who he was, finally, after long months of trying to pull himself back together; he’d known just how much he was about to lose.</p>
<p>“Добросердечный.”</p>
<p>It had felt like a nightmare even when it was happening, trying to claw his way out of the restraints and break out of the cage in time to silence Zemo, while the slow, steady rhythm of the words beat onward.</p>
<p>“Возвращение на родину.”</p>
<p>In the nightmare it was even harder, like moving through molasses. His limbs wouldn’t respond quickly enough, moving slowly, so horribly slowly, as Zemo stared at him, turning him into a monster.</p>
<p>“Один.”</p>
<p>He slammed his fist into the door of the cage but there was no force behind it and no way for him to stop the final phrase.</p>
<p>“Товарный вагон.”</p>
<p>He always woke up after the final word, gasping for breath and burning with terror. He sat bolt upright, staring at the dark of the bedroom, and pressed a hand to his pounding heart. He wasn’t there, that had been years ago now, he was safe, he was home, he was with Clint.</p>
<p>He wasn’t going to be made to follow orders, not ever again.</p>
<p>Bucky turned to look for Clint, to see if he’d woken him, but the space on that side of the bed was empty. He pressed a hand to the sheets to find them cold and a thrill of fear ran through him, even though he knew there was no need for it. He wasn’t the only one who slept badly. Clint had probably just got up to avoid disturbing Bucky. It didn’t mean anything.</p>
<p>Clint hadn’t been taken by Hydra, Bucky hadn’t been made to hurt him and then had the memories burned away, there was no need to be so afraid.</p>
<p>He couldn’t quite manage to believe it.</p>
<p>He stood up, stumbling with half-asleep limbs, and headed downstairs with his heart thumping hard in his chest as the adrenalin kept burning, fear tasting metallic in the back of his throat.</p>
<p>The light was on in the kitchen. Clint was at the kitchen table, a mug of coffee in his hand as he stared down into it with a tired look on his face.</p>
<p>Bucky stopped at the foot of the stairs, taking a moment just to take in the rumpled mess of Clint’s hair, the stretch of the worn t-shirt he’d been sleeping in over his shoulders, the way his hands were cupped around the mug. That was the man he loved. The man no one was going to take from him, not Hydra, not Zemo, not anyone.</p>
<p>Clint looked up and a rueful smile crossed his face as he took in the look on Bucky’s face.</p>
<p>“Guess it’s a night for it, huh?” he said, and started to stand up. “Sit down, I’ll get you coffee.”</p>
<p>“No,” said Bucky, automatically, fear kicking at his heart at the command Clint probably hadn’t even realised he’d given him. He didn’t follow orders, not any more, and not even from Clint.</p>
<p>Clint paused in place, looking over him again, then sat back down. “Okay,” he said carefully.</p>
<p>“I don’t follow orders,” said Bucky, which was the closest he could get to articulating the reaction of stark horror that he’d had at the idea of doing anything someone else told him to do, even something as simple as taking a seat.</p>
<p>“Okay,” said Clint again, still sounding gentle. They’d been here before, together, and he’d learnt the best way to react. “You’re in charge. You give the orders. What do you want to do?”</p>
<p>Bucky clenched his hand into a fist. Now that he had Clint in front of his eyes, alive and unharmed, he needed to make sure that he was going to stay so. He needed to make sure their oasis of calm was still secure. “I need to patrol.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” said Clitn, keeping his voice steady and even. Bucky thought about leaving him here, where he wouldn’t have his eyes on him and wouldn’t know he was still safe.</p>
<p>“You’re coming with me.”</p>
<p>Clint just nodded, draining his coffee and standing up. “Sure,” he said. “Let me get my boots on.”</p>
<p>They both kept their boots by the door, along with jackets and enough outerwear that if they needed to leave in a hurry, they wouldn’t need to go back up to their bedroom. Once they were wrapped up, Clint glanced over at Lucky, who was curled up in his bed.</p>
<p>“Lucky? Are you coming for a walk?”</p>
<p>Lucky opened one eye and gave them a deeply unimpressed look, then shut it again, somehow managing to relax even further into his bed in a clear dismissal that said anyone going out in the middle of the night was an idiot who should be asleep.</p>
<p>“Okay then,” said Clint, and glanced at Bucky with a smile.</p>
<p>Bucky wasn’t yet in a place where he could return it, so he just opened the door. “Follow me,” he said. “Stay close.”</p>
<p>“Got it,” said Clint, and obediently stayed just behind Bucky as he strode out into the yard.</p>
<p>Their property wasn’t quite a farm, because that implied a level of agriculture that neither of them could be bothered with, but there was enough land to make a patrol around the edges take a while.</p>
<p>The silence and peace of the night, the faint glimmer of stars overhead and the soft sound of the wind in the trees started to calm Bucky down and wash away the images of the nightmare. He let his breathing slow, relaxing muscles that were held ready for combat that wasn’t coming. There was no one out here, no one but him and Clint.</p>
<p>Clint followed him in silence, moving easily over the familiar ground. Once Bucky had felt his tension smooth down far enough, he snapped out another order.</p>
<p>“Hold my hand.”</p>
<p>“Sure thing,” said Clint, catching at Bucky’s hand and giving it a squeeze. Bucky’s anxiety disintegrated a little bit further.</p>
<p>By the time they’d made it all the way around the property, Bucky was feeling relaxed enough to lead Clint back to the house, heading inside with Clint’s hand still in his. </p>
<p>He paused once the door was shut to take a breath. He still felt unsettled by the nightmare, but it was the middle of the night and he knew they should probably both go back to bed, to try and catch a little bit more sleep.</p>
<p>“You’re in charge,” said Clint softly, after a few moments had passed. “I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”</p>
<p>This wasn’t the first time they’d played this game. Sometimes it was like this, after a nightmare that Bucky couldn’t shake when he needed to know he was the one giving the orders. Other times it was just for the fun of it, for the way Clint looked when he got on his knees and waited for an order, the way he let Bucky mess him up and do whatever he wanted, and only ever asked for more.</p>
<p>Bucky took a deep breath. “Strip back down to your pyjamas and go wait for me on the bed.”</p>
<p>Clint flashed him a grin, then took off his jacket and boots before heading up the stairs. Bucky watched him go, then turned to lock the door and take off his own outdoor clothes. He went around the house, making sure every door and window was shut, that Lucky was still settled, that nothing outside looked off, then followed Clint up.</p>
<p>Clint was sat on the end of the bed waiting for him and Bucky paused in the doorway for a moment, just to take him in. Clint looked back at him and found another of his irrepressible grins. Bucky wondered what he’d dreamt about earlier, because he seemed to have thrown it off much more easily than Bucky had thrown off his. He could still hear the echo of Zemo’s voice in his ear, the thud of the reinforced glass under his fist, the way the words had taken over his mind-</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, and then another, pushing it all back.</p>
<p>“What now?” asked Clint, and Bucky made himself walk in further, cupping a hand around Clint’s face as Clint tilted his head to look up at him, running his thumb over his cheekbone.</p>
<p>He loved this man. He’d do anything to keep him safe.</p>
<p>“Command me,” said Clint, in a low, rough voice and, god, usually when he sounded like that, Bucky wanted nothing more than to mess him up. Not tonight, though. Tonight he needed something else. Something more than the steady certainty of being in control, something softer.</p>
<p>“Hold me,” he forced out, his voice breaking in between the words as he let the mask he’d been holding on to fall away.</p>
<p>Clint stood up immediately, wrapping his arms around Bucky and pulling him in tight. “Hey,” he said softly. “Of course. Always. I love you.”</p>
<p>Bucky pressed his face into Clint’s shoulder, gripping onto his t-shirt with both hands and taking deep breaths, letting the emotions roll through him.</p>
<p>God, he wanted this to be over. He wanted the nightmares to stop, wanted to be able to say that what Zemo had done was behind him, but it had been years, and he had Clint, and Lucky, and a safe place, and he was still waking up in the middle of the night with those words echoing in his brain.</p>
<p>Clint stroked a hand over Bucky’s hair. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”</p>
<p>Bucky took a deep breath, pressing the emotions back down, and then took another. He moved back from Clint just far enough that he could press a kiss to his lips, but that was all he wanted tonight. All their other games could wait for another time.</p>
<p>He pulled away and climbed back into bed, then looked at where Clint was waiting for his next order. “Come here,” he said, holding out an arm.</p>
<p>Clint climbed in with more haste than grace, shifting over until he was pressed up close to Bucky. </p>
<p>Bucky rolled over, pulling Clint’s arm until his back was pressed to Clint’s chest and he was wrapped up in him. Clint pressed a kiss to the back of Bucky’s neck and he let out a sigh, feeling the last tension from his nightmare drift away.</p>
<p>“I love you,” whispered Clint, “and you’re always in control.”</p>
<p>“I know,” said Bucky, and clung tighter to Clint’s hand, pressing it over his heart.</p>
<p>“Whatever you want, you just say and it’s what we’ll do,” added Clint.</p>
<p>Bucky nodded, pressing back into his grip. He let another few minutes go, listening to the quiet noises of the night outside and the stillness within the house, then whispered, “I love you. Don’t move.”</p>
<p>“Never,” Clint whispered back.</p>
<p>The next morning, when Bucky’s eyes flickered open, Clint was still in place, holding him tight. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so safe.</p>
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